Writing Idea?

I think I'm going to write a story about a gamer that has a crush on a pro gamer. Something like a teen indie romance novel. Teena dig the romance.

The gaming world doesn't real get a lot of creative press if you think about it. There aren't many movies or books devoted to the gaming world. I think its moreso because sonrthig about gaming can be awfully dated after a while. Take a look at The Wizard. Really good gaming movie but very dated now. Gamers enjoy it, but in not side about the mainstream. A gaming novel would need the current gen on consoles and games in it to make it work. But after a couple of years there will be new games, new consoles - the book would then be dated.

I guess if the story was character or story driven it could work. But how would you write a gaming novel without mentioning Nintendo, Microsoft, or Sony? Or the consoles of this generation that we all love AP much?

The story is simple and definently fully formed in my head. But I'm a writer who likes to avoid dating my stories...

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sexual self-esteem

I have lost my groove.

Sometimes I wish I was still a virgin. There wasn't so much pressure and desperate need. Without a boyfriend I just find myself unable to really be sexual anymore. Just feel a tad unwanted and unattractive. If I were to even have sex I'd feel unable to perform - just second guessing every little movement or sound.

It's all just upsetting.

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I AM A FRAG DOLL CADETTE

It's such an incredible feeling to be apart of something that I have - obsessively - wanted to be apart of for such a long time. In my other blog I wrote about how much it meant for me to become a Cadette.

And now I finally am one.
It is so surreal.

When I received the email yesterday I was at my father and uncle's karate tournament. My phone vibrated and, even in a large crowd of people, I started bouncing on the balls of my feet with excitement! My dream had pretty much come true. For years I had idolized the Frag Dolls and now i'll be working close to them to learn a thing or two about the ever growing video game industry.

My parents do not really understand what this means, but that is basically the story of my life here in South Carolina. Noone really *gets* me, my passions, or my dreams here. Now I will be surrounded by wonderful people who DO get me and DO understand what I want from my life.

I am so ready to start this incredible adventure. Bring it on.

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just be proud of me...

Ugh my parents.

When i reluctantly moved back in with them after college I never expected for it to be this difficult, never expected it to always feel like they were disappointed in me no matter what I do.

I went out there and hit the pavement hard after I graduated. Looking everywhere for a job and getting slapped with big "need experience" from everywhere except minimum wage jobs. I landed my current job at the shoe store in July. I didn't even get a pat on the back for atleast finding something - anything - to get a little change in my pockets.

Minimum wage sucks and I don't know how anyone can live on it. This isn't the last stop for me. It's just a little break on the way. I don't understand why everyone think that having a degree = having a job. It really annoys me when other unemployed post grads try to feel that way too when they should know for theirselves its not easy.

My sister is in a sorority and my mother thinks so highly of it. But I don't really understand why anymore. SO what? I wouldn't feel so bitter about it if my mother wouldnt always dismiss everything I try to do because it may be a little unorthodox.

My sister's group is going to Florida and my mom is gung ho about it. A group I just got accepted to - a group I wanted to be in so badly - is going to Boston, LA, and San Diego. The first thing my mom says as I try to explain it to her "i want you to get a job"

I can understand where she is coming from: she wants to see her child succeed, wants to see the five years of hard work that I spent getting a degree actually mean something. But wanting me to take *any* job (that is "professional" seeming like in an insurance office) just to get a car and other pointless shows of consumer materialism and just to show off around my small town is her dream for me, not my own.

Instead, she should be encouraging me to follow my own dreams and create a path for myself...

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AHHHHHH

The most amazing thing happened to me today. It still hasn't really hit me that this is happening, but it is and I'm ready for it. The post grad life finally had a breakthrough!

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This Is What the Other Side Looks Like?

It's 2 pm. I woke up at about 12:30.

This is what Post Grad Life is like? Unemployed essentially except for a minimum wage job at a shoe store. Watching court tv shows and Cartoon Network. Eating cereal and waiting for my mom to bring me hot food when she comes in from work.

I...do not really like this life.

Sure its easy living, but I feel like a major waste of space the majority of the time. I cross my fingers hoping to obtain a better job so I'm able to save money to move far away from my small town. Atlanta. New York City. Chicago. San Francisco. All of those cities just speak to me.

I want to experience life and be successful. I want millions to read words I've written.

But it seems so hard. They did not teach me how to survive once out of college. The likes of Dickens and Voltaire and E.E Cummings and Shakespeare surrounded me but never once told me how to get a JOB once I left the corridors where they chill at.

I absolutely loved my major. I loved reading, writing, forming analysis. I loved writing for the newspaper. I loved running the Japanese club. I miss college, but I am done with it. I want to move forward, but I am caught in some endless limbo and cant escape.

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Possible Costume

The trailer for Final Fantasy 13-2 released earlier today (yesterday? It's so late at night!) While many fans groan at a sequel, I drool over Lightning's new outfit. Because while Final Fantasy is pretty to look at, I'm not too fond of playing the games. RPGs bore the heck out of me.

But that doesn't mean I can't love the outfits. RPGs and Fighting games have some of the most amazing costume designs - Final Fantasy certainly being at the top of that list as constantly producing kickass designs for cosplayers to make.

Lightning's new design has some armor on it but also has her showing some thigh. And we know I like to show skin. I have not cosplayed Final Fantasy since 2007 but have always wanted too. When my Fran plans failed due to poor planning, I had yet to find anyone else I wanted to cosplay except Vanille and Lebreau from 13. I haven't made either of those yet either, but this new Lightning outfit has gotten me very interested in the franchise again.

So whether this is just a passing thought or will actually become a project for myself, I can't wait to see others cosplay this design!

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Who Am I?

I needed a place to vent. A place to scribble my endless dreams and jot down whatever comes to mind. A place for humor and a place for sorrow. For so long I have not talked about my life in a blog because I felt noone cared. But *i* care. I want to be able to express myself in some form. Keeping things bottled up is certainly not working.

Therefore, I have three blogs now. One for my never-ending cosplay hobby, one for my silly musings about film and anime, and this one which will become a shining testament of the beginning of my adult life.

So, who am i?

I'm 23
A college graduate
An aspiring writer, journalist
A geek
A cosplayer
A daughter, sister, aunt, and friend
A gamer
A lolita

I make my own rules and oftentimes break them. I'm a walking contradiction. I love to be loved and to give love.

And my biggest goal in life is just to be successful, to form a career doing what I want to do - what I love to do. My biggest enemy, however, is myself.

So as I start this new blog I hope it will a place I can turn to when I need it. And in this new adult life which is full of uncertainties, I need somewhere like this - a place to write my own story modeled after fairytales.

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