In this day and age, everyone thrives on social media and the networking aspect of it. Sites like the destroyed MySpace, the ever popular Facebook, Twitter, etc people can become closer to friends that they know in life. Friends that they haven't evem met yet. Strangers. Even celebrities and news sources. Twitter seems the best place for that right now, but other social media empires remain a constant in nearly everyone's life.
I look back on my own social networking journey and remember there was a time it was not as important to me. With smartphones plus their ability to have apps constantly linking us to these places 24/7, I have become slightly attached go always being "in the know". The thought of not having, say, a Facebook account actually frightens me despite my desire to delete my account from there atleast for a little while.
I do feel like I'm doing this wrong. I do feel like I should not be as attached as I am. It is probably because I am nearly unemployed with nothing to do a majority of the time. When I'm busy and keep moving then I'm not as dependent on my cell phone and staying connected. It's one of the reasons I throw myself into this daily hunt for a job. My current "job" allows me to be on my cell phone, but I would really like a job where I would not be allowed my phone and could get away from social networking for the day.
I have over 17,000 tweets on Twitter. This actually seems surprisingly low to me because I tweet way too often for my tastes. I hope (and constantly think that I am) not getting on my 508 followers nerves. I try not to care about follower numbers, but I secretly (not so secret anymore, huh) want to have over 1000.
With tumblr I feel the most open. I only have a handful of followers and I don't have a cohesive theme to my "blog". I enjoy the pictures that pop up on my dashboard. But, even there, I just don't feel I can be entirely open. Like I'm being watched.
With Google+ I am happy. Somewhat. The site is gorgeous and minimal - just hoe I like it. The downside, however, is not many people are in my circles right now. Which probably sounds like what I want from a social network like G+ (and all that came before it) but I really need more updates from those that I have allowed in my Circles.
Facebook is the worse. Facebook makes me depressed. Jealous. It gives me a sense of inferiority. It's becoming how MySpace was for me. I'm constantly watching how many "likes" a person get and who comments of their stuff. I get upset when mutual friends comment incessantly on someone's stuff, but never on my own. I have gone through periods of "baiting" for comments or likes from either specific people or my entire friends list. I have deleted all my information, swearing off the site, only to put it back up there. Facebook has made me dislike several people that i used to consider as friends. It upsets me that my boyfriend won't even tag me in a relationship, even though that is such a meaningless social network invention that does not by any means make a relationship any more real then it is with or without it.
That long winded paragraph about Facebook is the reason I am doing this wrong. I shouldn't spend this much time of these networking places unless they will get me a job. I should not allow these places to control my emotions, especially not as vehemently as Facebook has.
But I can't and probably won't stop.
Because I must know what everyone is doing when they update because I am doing nothing. And if I am doing nothing I certainly want to read about people that are doing something. It's like tabloids of average, normal people.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Unbelievable
My last paycheck was absolutely disappointing. Although I knew it was coming thanks to my week in California, I was still a bit annoyed that my parents give me more money then I make at work. Unable to afford a video game (Alice:Madness Returns), my father actually brought it for me. I love when he actually goes shopping with us, but I also thought that was a very generous gesture to do - especially with it being Father's Day weekend.
I want to make my own money.
I want to afford all my own things.
And i know I'm not really an "adult" until i can do these things (so says my boyfriend).
It's not that I do not want to work. It's just that finding employment around here is hard, but relocating is hard as well when you an not find a job to relocate to.
Hopefully this all changes soon. Four hours a week is not cutting it. Curse my expensive hobbies.
I want to make my own money.
I want to afford all my own things.
And i know I'm not really an "adult" until i can do these things (so says my boyfriend).
It's not that I do not want to work. It's just that finding employment around here is hard, but relocating is hard as well when you an not find a job to relocate to.
Hopefully this all changes soon. Four hours a week is not cutting it. Curse my expensive hobbies.
Monday, June 13, 2011
California knows how to Party
Recently I was lucky enough to attend the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, California with Ubisoft, the Frag Dolls, and my fellow Cadettes.
It was the most incredible adventure.
While I have stewing away in the pot of boredom that is South Carolina, my week in LA gave me a glimpse of what my life could be life if I could successfully turn my dreams into a reality. Having met so many people that have managed to do this and inspired me, I am only more determined to get away from this small town and attempt greater things.
E3 was an amazing event, a beacon of light. Albeit a trade show and not a convention like I'm used to, E3 blew all other events I attend away in a fierce gust. Animazement, the last anime convention I attended about a week before I left for E3, was a sad, sad disappointment. It was the epitome of what is wrong with anime conventions.
Going to E3 after a fail convention restored my hope in the fact that Ivcan have fun at events. The two can not be compared, but it is going to take quite a bit for me to have fun at a convention after attending such an incredible event.
And it isn't just the event that made the entire trip successful. It was the people that I surrounded myself with. By Thursday night - a little late in my trip if you ask me - I had transformed myself from the quiet, observant person I am to enjoying the company of the Frag Dolls, Cadettes, and the associates. I met so many incredible people throughout the week and things can only go up from here as I attend more gaming related events and meet even more people - in the industry and out (regular gamers).
To Esky - Thanks for being such a wonderful roommate! I cant believe we're worlds away on different coasts. Till next time, then!
To Jon - It was wonderful working Trackmania 2 with you (and kicking you off when someone wanted to play)! Hopefully we can hang out more if we ever get to events again together
To Cadettes - you're all so wonderful...gah, i miss you ALL. Please lets all get together again soon.
To Frag Dolls - YOU LADIES ARE AMAZING.
I wish I was able to go to PAX Prime, but I will be at MLG Raleigh to hopefully network and meet more gamers. I will be at PAX East even if it kills me.
So what exactly went down at E3?
I mostly worked at the Ubisoft booth demoing games such as Trackmania 2, Driver San Francisco, and Rocksmith. During my breaks, I ran around the show floor like a lioness on the prowl, hunting down all the games that i could play in short spurts. I got to play games such as: Dead Island, Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword, Street Fighter vs. Tekken, Inversion, and many more.
Nights at these events are where its at though. After everyone unwinds from the hectic days, many parties happen at night. On tuesday night was the Frag Dolls party at the LA Exchange. This was such an epic party and i had fun dancing the night away with many Cadettes and PMS Clan members. Wednesday night I went to sleep early, but Thursday night was a glorious adventure as I went to a bar called the Golden Gopher for the Game Devs meetup (went there TWICE), the World of Tanks penthouse afterparty, and Club Suede.
E3, however, is first and foremost a trade show event. Therefore it is not exactly like a standard, "open-to-the-public" convention. I likened it to an amusement park. People are there to work mostly and those that are attending are park attendees. They must wait in lines for hours for a few minutes of fun by playing the games. The booth babes are like costumed characters at amusement parks.
This is certainly an event I'd like to attend again.
It was the most incredible adventure.
While I have stewing away in the pot of boredom that is South Carolina, my week in LA gave me a glimpse of what my life could be life if I could successfully turn my dreams into a reality. Having met so many people that have managed to do this and inspired me, I am only more determined to get away from this small town and attempt greater things.
E3 was an amazing event, a beacon of light. Albeit a trade show and not a convention like I'm used to, E3 blew all other events I attend away in a fierce gust. Animazement, the last anime convention I attended about a week before I left for E3, was a sad, sad disappointment. It was the epitome of what is wrong with anime conventions.
Going to E3 after a fail convention restored my hope in the fact that Ivcan have fun at events. The two can not be compared, but it is going to take quite a bit for me to have fun at a convention after attending such an incredible event.
And it isn't just the event that made the entire trip successful. It was the people that I surrounded myself with. By Thursday night - a little late in my trip if you ask me - I had transformed myself from the quiet, observant person I am to enjoying the company of the Frag Dolls, Cadettes, and the associates. I met so many incredible people throughout the week and things can only go up from here as I attend more gaming related events and meet even more people - in the industry and out (regular gamers).
To Esky - Thanks for being such a wonderful roommate! I cant believe we're worlds away on different coasts. Till next time, then!
To Jon - It was wonderful working Trackmania 2 with you (and kicking you off when someone wanted to play)! Hopefully we can hang out more if we ever get to events again together
To Cadettes - you're all so wonderful...gah, i miss you ALL. Please lets all get together again soon.
To Frag Dolls - YOU LADIES ARE AMAZING.
I wish I was able to go to PAX Prime, but I will be at MLG Raleigh to hopefully network and meet more gamers. I will be at PAX East even if it kills me.
So what exactly went down at E3?
I mostly worked at the Ubisoft booth demoing games such as Trackmania 2, Driver San Francisco, and Rocksmith. During my breaks, I ran around the show floor like a lioness on the prowl, hunting down all the games that i could play in short spurts. I got to play games such as: Dead Island, Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword, Street Fighter vs. Tekken, Inversion, and many more.
Nights at these events are where its at though. After everyone unwinds from the hectic days, many parties happen at night. On tuesday night was the Frag Dolls party at the LA Exchange. This was such an epic party and i had fun dancing the night away with many Cadettes and PMS Clan members. Wednesday night I went to sleep early, but Thursday night was a glorious adventure as I went to a bar called the Golden Gopher for the Game Devs meetup (went there TWICE), the World of Tanks penthouse afterparty, and Club Suede.
E3, however, is first and foremost a trade show event. Therefore it is not exactly like a standard, "open-to-the-public" convention. I likened it to an amusement park. People are there to work mostly and those that are attending are park attendees. They must wait in lines for hours for a few minutes of fun by playing the games. The booth babes are like costumed characters at amusement parks.
This is certainly an event I'd like to attend again.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Restaurant "window shopping"
I hope I'm not the other person that spends countless amounts of time browsing the menu of restaurants online. Even without pictures of the food, I'll just read and reread the descriptions of the food from restaurants I have never been to. Mouth watering. Tummy growling. Clearly, I have some sort of problem with mentally picturing myself at these places with a male having an intellectual and/or romantic and/or funny conversation over out plates of (potentially expensive) food.
A girl can dream. About guys. And food. And eating dinner with guys.
Whenever I do get a significant other, it will be my one true mission to visit the five restaurants I am about to list. At least once. I've pretty much read reviews of them all, but know that I need to go taste these foods before I the zombie apocalypse happens or I die. Whichever happens first.
Five Restaurants I Want to go on a Date At
or: I-Look-At-These-Menus-Constantly
P.F. Chang's China Bistro
I typically do not eat Asian food (I KNOW very weird considering I love anime) and the closest P.F. Chang's is about an hour from me...but I am incredibly drawn to the menu at this place. The MONGOLIAN BEEF seems to DIE for...just from the description! Or maybe the CHENGDU SPICED LAMB. Then there's the option to enjoy a four course meal for two. It's $39.95 and comes with DESSERT. nom nom nom!
Cheesecake Factory
Despite me thinking this was some bakery for cheesecake before actually visiting the website, I continue to return to the website to read over the menu whenever I get the opportunity to do so. Closest one is two hours from me, but i'm wiling to make the drive to taste this food. The website is pretty incredible as well. Its as if you're entering the website and being greeted by the hostess. The food sounds delicious but the site has a list (with pictures!) of their cheesecakes! I have never eaten cheesecake, but I would if I went to the Cheesecake Factory.
Mez
I spend a lot of time on the Charlotte (NC) EpiCenter website. I have never been there and always wanted to spend the day (and maybe night at the hotel) there. Mez kind of seems a little TOO upscale for me as I'm pretty laid back. But I love any opportunity to get dolled up. The website is pretty spiffy too so I'm not sure i'm attracted to the food as much as I am the atmosphere of the place.
Victoria and Albert's
The most expensive restaurant on this short list, V&A's is at Disney's Grand Floridian resort - my favorite Disney resort. Before I die I MUST attend such a fancy restaurant. Dropping over $300 on dinner seems like a crazy idea to me since I barely make that in a month, but whenever I start balling then I probably would not blink my eye to do so.
umm. wait. I'm a curvy girl...This is probably not enough food for me...
Melting Pot
I have heard so many bad things about this place through reviews and whatnot as I go through my weekly rounds of restaurant websites. For me, it probably is more about having the experience at least once. I think it would be an interesting place to eat dinner - albeit a tad expensive.
I'm not always about the expensive dinners though. As I'm very laid back, sometimes I just want a picnic in the park. Or to grab some ice cream (Coldstone Creamery, anyone? I've never been!) Or even just grabbing fast food and going back home to relax.
A girl can dream. About guys. And food. And eating dinner with guys.
Whenever I do get a significant other, it will be my one true mission to visit the five restaurants I am about to list. At least once. I've pretty much read reviews of them all, but know that I need to go taste these foods before I the zombie apocalypse happens or I die. Whichever happens first.
Five Restaurants I Want to go on a Date At
or: I-Look-At-These-Menus-Constantly
P.F. Chang's China Bistro
I typically do not eat Asian food (I KNOW very weird considering I love anime) and the closest P.F. Chang's is about an hour from me...but I am incredibly drawn to the menu at this place. The MONGOLIAN BEEF seems to DIE for...just from the description! Or maybe the CHENGDU SPICED LAMB. Then there's the option to enjoy a four course meal for two. It's $39.95 and comes with DESSERT. nom nom nom!
Cheesecake Factory
Despite me thinking this was some bakery for cheesecake before actually visiting the website, I continue to return to the website to read over the menu whenever I get the opportunity to do so. Closest one is two hours from me, but i'm wiling to make the drive to taste this food. The website is pretty incredible as well. Its as if you're entering the website and being greeted by the hostess. The food sounds delicious but the site has a list (with pictures!) of their cheesecakes! I have never eaten cheesecake, but I would if I went to the Cheesecake Factory.
Mez
I spend a lot of time on the Charlotte (NC) EpiCenter website. I have never been there and always wanted to spend the day (and maybe night at the hotel) there. Mez kind of seems a little TOO upscale for me as I'm pretty laid back. But I love any opportunity to get dolled up. The website is pretty spiffy too so I'm not sure i'm attracted to the food as much as I am the atmosphere of the place.
Victoria and Albert's
The most expensive restaurant on this short list, V&A's is at Disney's Grand Floridian resort - my favorite Disney resort. Before I die I MUST attend such a fancy restaurant. Dropping over $300 on dinner seems like a crazy idea to me since I barely make that in a month, but whenever I start balling then I probably would not blink my eye to do so.
umm. wait. I'm a curvy girl...This is probably not enough food for me...
Melting Pot
I have heard so many bad things about this place through reviews and whatnot as I go through my weekly rounds of restaurant websites. For me, it probably is more about having the experience at least once. I think it would be an interesting place to eat dinner - albeit a tad expensive.
I'm not always about the expensive dinners though. As I'm very laid back, sometimes I just want a picnic in the park. Or to grab some ice cream (Coldstone Creamery, anyone? I've never been!) Or even just grabbing fast food and going back home to relax.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
umm, boyfriendo please
I kind of want a boyfriend.
There. Admiting it is the first step.
While being single is...awesome (cough) I really miss having someone to talk to and hang out with. Now I practically have to beg someone to hang out with me. It's difficult to get my best friend to hang out because she is in college away from here and also has a boyfriend. I'm the only single person out of all my friends to be honest.
I'm not rushing into a new relationship though. Certainlynot going to settle for some of the offers I've been getting. Perhaps someone will come along, hopefully sooner then later.
There. Admiting it is the first step.
While being single is...awesome (cough) I really miss having someone to talk to and hang out with. Now I practically have to beg someone to hang out with me. It's difficult to get my best friend to hang out because she is in college away from here and also has a boyfriend. I'm the only single person out of all my friends to be honest.
I'm not rushing into a new relationship though. Certainlynot going to settle for some of the offers I've been getting. Perhaps someone will come along, hopefully sooner then later.
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Saturday, March 5, 2011
musings
My graduating class had a get together today. I missed it due to a prior commitment and it just seems to be bad timing. March is ridiculously busy with many events and such that. I can barely keep up.
Anyway, I looked through some photos of the get together and it seemed really cute.
I graduated from high school in 2005. My high school was pretty small and I think our graduating class was around 80 or so. I was in the Top 20...I wouldn't say I was super close with my classmates, but I was cordial to mostly everyone. I was just always so different and my mind was always on something other then my small town.
Even to this day I think that he direction of my classmates versus myself is just entirely different. Most of them seem more focused on having children and potentially getting married. I'd live to have that too, but I want to travel. I want to do geeky things that noone around here even understands. I want to party just like they do, but not st the tacky little clubs around here.
I'm just so different. And that has left me alone and friendless in my small town.
Anyway, I looked through some photos of the get together and it seemed really cute.
I graduated from high school in 2005. My high school was pretty small and I think our graduating class was around 80 or so. I was in the Top 20...I wouldn't say I was super close with my classmates, but I was cordial to mostly everyone. I was just always so different and my mind was always on something other then my small town.
Even to this day I think that he direction of my classmates versus myself is just entirely different. Most of them seem more focused on having children and potentially getting married. I'd live to have that too, but I want to travel. I want to do geeky things that noone around here even understands. I want to party just like they do, but not st the tacky little clubs around here.
I'm just so different. And that has left me alone and friendless in my small town.
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Monday, February 14, 2011
If I were a Lesbian...
I would send my girlfriend a really beautiful arrangement ok Valentine's Day and take her out to a glorious dinner :)
Or just cuddle on the couch and watch movies in the dimmed light.
Or take a nice walk in the park.
Or go spend the day and night at a great bed and breakfast.
Yeah, if I were a lesbian I'd totally treat my girlfriend like that 365 days.
Happy Valentines Day!
Or just cuddle on the couch and watch movies in the dimmed light.
Or take a nice walk in the park.
Or go spend the day and night at a great bed and breakfast.
Yeah, if I were a lesbian I'd totally treat my girlfriend like that 365 days.
Happy Valentines Day!
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Sunday, February 13, 2011
Single Awareness Day
So, Valentines Day is tomorrow. This will be my first Vday in many years that I am actually single. It's strange...
I always loved this holiday and loved that I normally had someone to show me affection on this day. Last year, I thought I was going to be single on this day as well. But on February 11 my ex and I started to date.
I am a bitter person normally when it comes to relationships - especially when I'm stuck in an endless cycle of long periods of being immensely lonely in my single-dom. I was not ALWAYS this way.
When I was younger I always planned a wedding with every boyfriend I had. My friends and I would choose our colors and bridesmaids. It was all in good fun. Nothing serious.
When I was engaged I felt like all my dreams and hopes of when I was a child were going to come true. My wedding was being planned and the date was set. The theme was Christmas and the colors were red and gold.
....when that relationship ended, I dealed with a lot of guys. Never really got serious with any of them and only one could have been something more if distance wasn't a factor.
January 2010 I met my last boyfriend. I was incredibly happy to have someone I enjoyed being in a relationship with. It was fun and he was (is) my best friend.
So, I wonder why I am having a hard time finding a guy to date and be with nowadays. The truth is I really want a guy to try hard to be my friend first and then see if we can get into a relationship. The many guys that I talk to now seem to only want to rush into a relationship with me - want me to fall head over heels for them. That's not going to happen. That would only happen for the guy I already have a crush on (who just recently changed his Facebook status to "in a relationship" and I'm so pissed/jealous). And maybe if I had a crush on a guy it would be easy to jump in something with them.
But not with a guy I don't feel that way about. They have to try to befriend me instead of always declaring their love.
To be honest, I liked my last boyfriend when I first saw him. So maybe it isn't fair for me to say these other guys have to try harder then he did. But he did become my friend first. We were friends an entire month before dating and became even better friends afterward. We became such good friends that we are STILL friends now, which is something I have never done before (stay friends with an ex).
Maybe a guy will come along that I am attracted too that also is attracted to me. And perhaps we'll become friends and then become a couple. But I don't know when that will happen and I'm fine waiting on him to come.
I always loved this holiday and loved that I normally had someone to show me affection on this day. Last year, I thought I was going to be single on this day as well. But on February 11 my ex and I started to date.
I am a bitter person normally when it comes to relationships - especially when I'm stuck in an endless cycle of long periods of being immensely lonely in my single-dom. I was not ALWAYS this way.
When I was younger I always planned a wedding with every boyfriend I had. My friends and I would choose our colors and bridesmaids. It was all in good fun. Nothing serious.
When I was engaged I felt like all my dreams and hopes of when I was a child were going to come true. My wedding was being planned and the date was set. The theme was Christmas and the colors were red and gold.
....when that relationship ended, I dealed with a lot of guys. Never really got serious with any of them and only one could have been something more if distance wasn't a factor.
January 2010 I met my last boyfriend. I was incredibly happy to have someone I enjoyed being in a relationship with. It was fun and he was (is) my best friend.
So, I wonder why I am having a hard time finding a guy to date and be with nowadays. The truth is I really want a guy to try hard to be my friend first and then see if we can get into a relationship. The many guys that I talk to now seem to only want to rush into a relationship with me - want me to fall head over heels for them. That's not going to happen. That would only happen for the guy I already have a crush on (who just recently changed his Facebook status to "in a relationship" and I'm so pissed/jealous). And maybe if I had a crush on a guy it would be easy to jump in something with them.
But not with a guy I don't feel that way about. They have to try to befriend me instead of always declaring their love.
To be honest, I liked my last boyfriend when I first saw him. So maybe it isn't fair for me to say these other guys have to try harder then he did. But he did become my friend first. We were friends an entire month before dating and became even better friends afterward. We became such good friends that we are STILL friends now, which is something I have never done before (stay friends with an ex).
Maybe a guy will come along that I am attracted too that also is attracted to me. And perhaps we'll become friends and then become a couple. But I don't know when that will happen and I'm fine waiting on him to come.
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Sunday, February 6, 2011
"i don't date black girls"
It greatly annoys me when a man just blatantly says this.
I've been getting a lot of friend requests thanks to my shiny new Cadette status. I have basically been adding everyone and making separate lists so I can still maintain a level of privacy on certain aspects of my page (pictures mostly but will be status updates soon). I still need to make a list of my absolute closest friends to share extremely personal pictures and such with.
Anyway, I randomly looked at someone's page that I friended. It was some black guy, apparently a gamer. He was listing off a bunch of stuff he's into - various hobbies and whatnot. Then at the bottom, like some after thought that needed to be said, he states "oh, and I don't date black girls"
The awkward placement of this statement and the way it seemed to have been said kind of pissed me off. Not that this guy is attempting to date me and could quite possibly have loads of black friends (and is not attractive enough for me to even think about saying him...just saying), but it annoys me when folks just say this like it *must* be known.
A majority of the time you ONLY see/hear black people say this. You don't hear others stating they don't date a certain race. Even if they don't date a particular race, I hardly ever see them needing to state this. It's like a great deal of black guys dare a black woman to even approach them - like if she does they will tear her down just because of her race.
I'm a strong believer in black love. I love black men. I'm also not so close minded that I would not date outside of my race - so Interracial dating isn't the problem here. The problem is people - black MEN - dismissing black women simply because they *are* black.
Statistics show 45% of black women never get married. Know why? In my opinion it is because they rarely get a chance. they are already type casted because of their race, already stamped and labeled based on age old stereotypes that only a few probably embrace.
I, for one, am not some stereotypical black women. I am college educated. Intelligent. Classy. With unique hobbies and interests. A gamer. A cosplayer. A lolita. And, yes, I may be strong willed and speak my mind but that is because I know if I want to make it in this world I need to be fierce. Not only am I a woman, I am a BLACK woman and damn proud to be one.
So, whether or not some closeminded dude automatically wouldn't want to date me because of the color of my skin, I know that I'm a catch that doesn't lump herself in with millions of other women who are all individuals and different beings from all walks of life with all sorts of personalities who may have one common thing (race) but differ in everything else.
I've been getting a lot of friend requests thanks to my shiny new Cadette status. I have basically been adding everyone and making separate lists so I can still maintain a level of privacy on certain aspects of my page (pictures mostly but will be status updates soon). I still need to make a list of my absolute closest friends to share extremely personal pictures and such with.
Anyway, I randomly looked at someone's page that I friended. It was some black guy, apparently a gamer. He was listing off a bunch of stuff he's into - various hobbies and whatnot. Then at the bottom, like some after thought that needed to be said, he states "oh, and I don't date black girls"
The awkward placement of this statement and the way it seemed to have been said kind of pissed me off. Not that this guy is attempting to date me and could quite possibly have loads of black friends (and is not attractive enough for me to even think about saying him...just saying), but it annoys me when folks just say this like it *must* be known.
A majority of the time you ONLY see/hear black people say this. You don't hear others stating they don't date a certain race. Even if they don't date a particular race, I hardly ever see them needing to state this. It's like a great deal of black guys dare a black woman to even approach them - like if she does they will tear her down just because of her race.
I'm a strong believer in black love. I love black men. I'm also not so close minded that I would not date outside of my race - so Interracial dating isn't the problem here. The problem is people - black MEN - dismissing black women simply because they *are* black.
Statistics show 45% of black women never get married. Know why? In my opinion it is because they rarely get a chance. they are already type casted because of their race, already stamped and labeled based on age old stereotypes that only a few probably embrace.
I, for one, am not some stereotypical black women. I am college educated. Intelligent. Classy. With unique hobbies and interests. A gamer. A cosplayer. A lolita. And, yes, I may be strong willed and speak my mind but that is because I know if I want to make it in this world I need to be fierce. Not only am I a woman, I am a BLACK woman and damn proud to be one.
So, whether or not some closeminded dude automatically wouldn't want to date me because of the color of my skin, I know that I'm a catch that doesn't lump herself in with millions of other women who are all individuals and different beings from all walks of life with all sorts of personalities who may have one common thing (race) but differ in everything else.
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Saturday, February 5, 2011
don't get fired about socks
I'm sure everyone faces a little verbal abuse from the tyrants that exist above them in the employment food chain. It's not uncommon for the higher-ups to abuse their power every now again to their underlings.
I was never one to sit there and take it. No matter how it sounds, I'm way too good to take any manner of verbal abuse. I feel too intelligent to get yelled at for minor things. And I definently do not want to be compared to another worker when I'm doing a good job as well.
Retail sucks. No matter what job you get in retail the managers always pick favorites who slide by and pick on others no matter what they do. The same thing happens in other job industries as well, but right now I'm currently working retail.
Do you think I get a good job when I successfully meet my goal during the day? Or consistently greet customers? Or stock ALL the shipment? Unpack the boxes quickly? Straighten the shelves when someone messes them up? Clean that nasty ass bathroom?
No.
I only get acknowledged when something goes awry in my diligent work effort. Perhaps I took a quick break on my cell phone - which we're all allowed to have out. Or I broke a bag. Or maybe I was trying to do a special order and messed up a bit because someone is breathing down my neck as I do it.
Or I don't sell a damn pair of socks.
And, today, its all about socks.
I was basically threatened - or so I felt - to be fired or to "find another job" because I wasn't able to force our customers to buy some expensive socks. No matter how many ways I tell a person the socks are great, and wonderful, and don't show when they wear them with certain shoes...its all up to them whether or not they purchase them. After I suggest them once, twice, or even three times and they say no there is nothing I can do about them. I can't go in their purse or wallet and get the money for the socks. I can't keep badgering then to buy them. I can merely suggest them - which is what I do.
This is partially reason why I hate shopping myself. The workers are always in my face when I'm just looking. Or they're never there when I do need them. I make myself available to the customers but I'm not all on their backs either. And perhaps that is the way to make sales but it is an awkward as hell way to do it. And makes me and probably the customer very uncomfortable.
It's also difficult to make a sale, whether it be socks or shoes, when you have a coworker who manages to jump in the way all the time. If I'm zeroing in on someone you would think my coworker would back and let me have the sale. But, no, they'd rather take it for theirselves. I am able to step back and let someone take a sale but everyone else is so damn vicious that it doesn't make much sense to me.
The whole incident just ruined my day. If I made more money or got more hours then I can see putting up with bullcrap, but its not worth it when you don't make quite a bit.
I was never one to sit there and take it. No matter how it sounds, I'm way too good to take any manner of verbal abuse. I feel too intelligent to get yelled at for minor things. And I definently do not want to be compared to another worker when I'm doing a good job as well.
Retail sucks. No matter what job you get in retail the managers always pick favorites who slide by and pick on others no matter what they do. The same thing happens in other job industries as well, but right now I'm currently working retail.
Do you think I get a good job when I successfully meet my goal during the day? Or consistently greet customers? Or stock ALL the shipment? Unpack the boxes quickly? Straighten the shelves when someone messes them up? Clean that nasty ass bathroom?
No.
I only get acknowledged when something goes awry in my diligent work effort. Perhaps I took a quick break on my cell phone - which we're all allowed to have out. Or I broke a bag. Or maybe I was trying to do a special order and messed up a bit because someone is breathing down my neck as I do it.
Or I don't sell a damn pair of socks.
And, today, its all about socks.
I was basically threatened - or so I felt - to be fired or to "find another job" because I wasn't able to force our customers to buy some expensive socks. No matter how many ways I tell a person the socks are great, and wonderful, and don't show when they wear them with certain shoes...its all up to them whether or not they purchase them. After I suggest them once, twice, or even three times and they say no there is nothing I can do about them. I can't go in their purse or wallet and get the money for the socks. I can't keep badgering then to buy them. I can merely suggest them - which is what I do.
This is partially reason why I hate shopping myself. The workers are always in my face when I'm just looking. Or they're never there when I do need them. I make myself available to the customers but I'm not all on their backs either. And perhaps that is the way to make sales but it is an awkward as hell way to do it. And makes me and probably the customer very uncomfortable.
It's also difficult to make a sale, whether it be socks or shoes, when you have a coworker who manages to jump in the way all the time. If I'm zeroing in on someone you would think my coworker would back and let me have the sale. But, no, they'd rather take it for theirselves. I am able to step back and let someone take a sale but everyone else is so damn vicious that it doesn't make much sense to me.
The whole incident just ruined my day. If I made more money or got more hours then I can see putting up with bullcrap, but its not worth it when you don't make quite a bit.
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Wednesday, February 2, 2011
sleep when you're dead
She's right.
Life is far too short to not pursue everything that you want in life. I know that I have a lot of dreams and, at 23, I feel its the perfect time to start making those dreams happen. Sitting at home and only hoping this things happen for me is not good at all. I need to get out there and hunt these dreams down.
One dream I have is just to be successful by doing what I love. That is writing. Writing what I want to write. Whether it be fiction or reviews, I want to write. It seems a bit unorthodox to my parents but this is what I want to do - its what I'm good at.
I dream of having my own place with nice furniture, a big ass tv, and a cute little dog. That could be just an apartment in a nice complex or a house. I don't want nor need to be ballin out of control. I just want to be comfortable - able to afford the necessities and maybe some fun stuff on the side.
A bit of an extreme dream of mine is to own a comic and manga bookstore with an arcade attached. A store like that would not do too well in my area but I still wish it existed here. The picture I included is of Midtown Comics in Times Square (which I intend to visit this summer!) Everytime I visit a comic store I just want to OWN ONE.
More down-to-earth dreams would be to find someone to fall in love with that also completely loves me and to start a family with that person. By southern standards I should have already found this person. I don't mind that I'm single right now, but that doesn't mean I'm completely comfortable with the concept of being single for the rest of my life. Ever since I was little I have wanted to start my own family. That idea has not left me in the slightest. Im just not rushing into anything.
So, just some of my dreams. I am working quite hard to try and pursue them because I want them so badly...
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Thursday, January 27, 2011
Writing Idea?
I think I'm going to write a story about a gamer that has a crush on a pro gamer. Something like a teen indie romance novel. Teena dig the romance.
The gaming world doesn't real get a lot of creative press if you think about it. There aren't many movies or books devoted to the gaming world. I think its moreso because sonrthig about gaming can be awfully dated after a while. Take a look at The Wizard. Really good gaming movie but very dated now. Gamers enjoy it, but in not side about the mainstream. A gaming novel would need the current gen on consoles and games in it to make it work. But after a couple of years there will be new games, new consoles - the book would then be dated.
I guess if the story was character or story driven it could work. But how would you write a gaming novel without mentioning Nintendo, Microsoft, or Sony? Or the consoles of this generation that we all love AP much?
The story is simple and definently fully formed in my head. But I'm a writer who likes to avoid dating my stories...
The gaming world doesn't real get a lot of creative press if you think about it. There aren't many movies or books devoted to the gaming world. I think its moreso because sonrthig about gaming can be awfully dated after a while. Take a look at The Wizard. Really good gaming movie but very dated now. Gamers enjoy it, but in not side about the mainstream. A gaming novel would need the current gen on consoles and games in it to make it work. But after a couple of years there will be new games, new consoles - the book would then be dated.
I guess if the story was character or story driven it could work. But how would you write a gaming novel without mentioning Nintendo, Microsoft, or Sony? Or the consoles of this generation that we all love AP much?
The story is simple and definently fully formed in my head. But I'm a writer who likes to avoid dating my stories...
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011
sexual self-esteem
I have lost my groove.
Sometimes I wish I was still a virgin. There wasn't so much pressure and desperate need. Without a boyfriend I just find myself unable to really be sexual anymore. Just feel a tad unwanted and unattractive. If I were to even have sex I'd feel unable to perform - just second guessing every little movement or sound.
It's all just upsetting.
Sometimes I wish I was still a virgin. There wasn't so much pressure and desperate need. Without a boyfriend I just find myself unable to really be sexual anymore. Just feel a tad unwanted and unattractive. If I were to even have sex I'd feel unable to perform - just second guessing every little movement or sound.
It's all just upsetting.
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
I AM A FRAG DOLL CADETTE
It's such an incredible feeling to be apart of something that I have - obsessively - wanted to be apart of for such a long time. In my other blog I wrote about how much it meant for me to become a Cadette.
And now I finally am one.
It is so surreal.
When I received the email yesterday I was at my father and uncle's karate tournament. My phone vibrated and, even in a large crowd of people, I started bouncing on the balls of my feet with excitement! My dream had pretty much come true. For years I had idolized the Frag Dolls and now i'll be working close to them to learn a thing or two about the ever growing video game industry.
My parents do not really understand what this means, but that is basically the story of my life here in South Carolina. Noone really *gets* me, my passions, or my dreams here. Now I will be surrounded by wonderful people who DO get me and DO understand what I want from my life.
I am so ready to start this incredible adventure. Bring it on.
And now I finally am one.
It is so surreal.
When I received the email yesterday I was at my father and uncle's karate tournament. My phone vibrated and, even in a large crowd of people, I started bouncing on the balls of my feet with excitement! My dream had pretty much come true. For years I had idolized the Frag Dolls and now i'll be working close to them to learn a thing or two about the ever growing video game industry.
My parents do not really understand what this means, but that is basically the story of my life here in South Carolina. Noone really *gets* me, my passions, or my dreams here. Now I will be surrounded by wonderful people who DO get me and DO understand what I want from my life.
I am so ready to start this incredible adventure. Bring it on.
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just be proud of me...
Ugh my parents.
When i reluctantly moved back in with them after college I never expected for it to be this difficult, never expected it to always feel like they were disappointed in me no matter what I do.
I went out there and hit the pavement hard after I graduated. Looking everywhere for a job and getting slapped with big "need experience" from everywhere except minimum wage jobs. I landed my current job at the shoe store in July. I didn't even get a pat on the back for atleast finding something - anything - to get a little change in my pockets.
Minimum wage sucks and I don't know how anyone can live on it. This isn't the last stop for me. It's just a little break on the way. I don't understand why everyone think that having a degree = having a job. It really annoys me when other unemployed post grads try to feel that way too when they should know for theirselves its not easy.
My sister is in a sorority and my mother thinks so highly of it. But I don't really understand why anymore. SO what? I wouldn't feel so bitter about it if my mother wouldnt always dismiss everything I try to do because it may be a little unorthodox.
My sister's group is going to Florida and my mom is gung ho about it. A group I just got accepted to - a group I wanted to be in so badly - is going to Boston, LA, and San Diego. The first thing my mom says as I try to explain it to her "i want you to get a job"
I can understand where she is coming from: she wants to see her child succeed, wants to see the five years of hard work that I spent getting a degree actually mean something. But wanting me to take *any* job (that is "professional" seeming like in an insurance office) just to get a car and other pointless shows of consumer materialism and just to show off around my small town is her dream for me, not my own.
Instead, she should be encouraging me to follow my own dreams and create a path for myself...
When i reluctantly moved back in with them after college I never expected for it to be this difficult, never expected it to always feel like they were disappointed in me no matter what I do.
I went out there and hit the pavement hard after I graduated. Looking everywhere for a job and getting slapped with big "need experience" from everywhere except minimum wage jobs. I landed my current job at the shoe store in July. I didn't even get a pat on the back for atleast finding something - anything - to get a little change in my pockets.
Minimum wage sucks and I don't know how anyone can live on it. This isn't the last stop for me. It's just a little break on the way. I don't understand why everyone think that having a degree = having a job. It really annoys me when other unemployed post grads try to feel that way too when they should know for theirselves its not easy.
My sister is in a sorority and my mother thinks so highly of it. But I don't really understand why anymore. SO what? I wouldn't feel so bitter about it if my mother wouldnt always dismiss everything I try to do because it may be a little unorthodox.
My sister's group is going to Florida and my mom is gung ho about it. A group I just got accepted to - a group I wanted to be in so badly - is going to Boston, LA, and San Diego. The first thing my mom says as I try to explain it to her "i want you to get a job"
I can understand where she is coming from: she wants to see her child succeed, wants to see the five years of hard work that I spent getting a degree actually mean something. But wanting me to take *any* job (that is "professional" seeming like in an insurance office) just to get a car and other pointless shows of consumer materialism and just to show off around my small town is her dream for me, not my own.
Instead, she should be encouraging me to follow my own dreams and create a path for myself...
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Saturday, January 22, 2011
AHHHHHH
The most amazing thing happened to me today. It still hasn't really hit me that this is happening, but it is and I'm ready for it. The post grad life finally had a breakthrough!
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011
This Is What the Other Side Looks Like?
It's 2 pm. I woke up at about 12:30.
This is what Post Grad Life is like? Unemployed essentially except for a minimum wage job at a shoe store. Watching court tv shows and Cartoon Network. Eating cereal and waiting for my mom to bring me hot food when she comes in from work.
I...do not really like this life.
Sure its easy living, but I feel like a major waste of space the majority of the time. I cross my fingers hoping to obtain a better job so I'm able to save money to move far away from my small town. Atlanta. New York City. Chicago. San Francisco. All of those cities just speak to me.
I want to experience life and be successful. I want millions to read words I've written.
But it seems so hard. They did not teach me how to survive once out of college. The likes of Dickens and Voltaire and E.E Cummings and Shakespeare surrounded me but never once told me how to get a JOB once I left the corridors where they chill at.
I absolutely loved my major. I loved reading, writing, forming analysis. I loved writing for the newspaper. I loved running the Japanese club. I miss college, but I am done with it. I want to move forward, but I am caught in some endless limbo and cant escape.
This is what Post Grad Life is like? Unemployed essentially except for a minimum wage job at a shoe store. Watching court tv shows and Cartoon Network. Eating cereal and waiting for my mom to bring me hot food when she comes in from work.
I...do not really like this life.
Sure its easy living, but I feel like a major waste of space the majority of the time. I cross my fingers hoping to obtain a better job so I'm able to save money to move far away from my small town. Atlanta. New York City. Chicago. San Francisco. All of those cities just speak to me.
I want to experience life and be successful. I want millions to read words I've written.
But it seems so hard. They did not teach me how to survive once out of college. The likes of Dickens and Voltaire and E.E Cummings and Shakespeare surrounded me but never once told me how to get a JOB once I left the corridors where they chill at.
I absolutely loved my major. I loved reading, writing, forming analysis. I loved writing for the newspaper. I loved running the Japanese club. I miss college, but I am done with it. I want to move forward, but I am caught in some endless limbo and cant escape.
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Possible Costume
But that doesn't mean I can't love the outfits. RPGs and Fighting games have some of the most amazing costume designs - Final Fantasy certainly being at the top of that list as constantly producing kickass designs for cosplayers to make.
Lightning's new design has some armor on it but also has her showing some thigh. And we know I like to show skin. I have not cosplayed Final Fantasy since 2007 but have always wanted too. When my Fran plans failed due to poor planning, I had yet to find anyone else I wanted to cosplay except Vanille and Lebreau from 13. I haven't made either of those yet either, but this new Lightning outfit has gotten me very interested in the franchise again.
So whether this is just a passing thought or will actually become a project for myself, I can't wait to see others cosplay this design!
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Who Am I?
Therefore, I have three blogs now. One for my never-ending cosplay hobby, one for my silly musings about film and anime, and this one which will become a shining testament of the beginning of my adult life.
So, who am i?
I'm 23
A college graduate
An aspiring writer, journalist
A geek
A cosplayer
A daughter, sister, aunt, and friend
A gamer
A lolita
I make my own rules and oftentimes break them. I'm a walking contradiction. I love to be loved and to give love.
And my biggest goal in life is just to be successful, to form a career doing what I want to do - what I love to do. My biggest enemy, however, is myself.
So as I start this new blog I hope it will a place I can turn to when I need it. And in this new adult life which is full of uncertainties, I need somewhere like this - a place to write my own story modeled after fairytales.
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