If I were a Lesbian...

I would send my girlfriend a really beautiful arrangement ok Valentine's Day and take her out to a glorious dinner :)

Or just cuddle on the couch and watch movies in the dimmed light.

Or take a nice walk in the park.

Or go spend the day and night at a great bed and breakfast.

Yeah, if I were a lesbian I'd totally treat my girlfriend like that 365 days.

Happy Valentines Day!

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Single Awareness Day

So, Valentines Day is tomorrow. This will be my first Vday in many years that I am actually single. It's strange...

I always loved this holiday and loved that I normally had someone to show me affection on this day. Last year, I thought I was going to be single on this day as well. But on February 11 my ex and I started to date.

I am a bitter person normally when it comes to relationships - especially when I'm stuck in an endless cycle of long periods of being immensely lonely in my single-dom. I was not ALWAYS this way.

When I was younger I always planned a wedding with every boyfriend I had. My friends and I would choose our colors and bridesmaids. It was all in good fun. Nothing serious.

When I was engaged I felt like all my dreams and hopes of when I was a child were going to come true. My wedding was being planned and the date was set. The theme was Christmas and the colors were red and gold.

....when that relationship ended, I dealed with a lot of guys. Never really got serious with any of them and only one could have been something more if distance wasn't a factor.

January 2010 I met my last boyfriend. I was incredibly happy to have someone I enjoyed being in a relationship with. It was fun and he was (is) my best friend.

So, I wonder why I am having a hard time finding a guy to date and be with nowadays. The truth is I really want a guy to try hard to be my friend first and then see if we can get into a relationship. The many guys that I talk to now seem to only want to rush into a relationship with me - want me to fall head over heels for them. That's not going to happen. That would only happen for the guy I already have a crush on (who just recently changed his Facebook status to "in a relationship" and I'm so pissed/jealous). And maybe if I had a crush on a guy it would be easy to jump in something with them.

But not with a guy I don't feel that way about. They have to try to befriend me instead of always declaring their love.

To be honest, I liked my last boyfriend when I first saw him. So maybe it isn't fair for me to say these other guys have to try harder then he did. But he did become my friend first. We were friends an entire month before dating and became even better friends afterward. We became such good friends that we are STILL friends now, which is something I have never done before (stay friends with an ex).

Maybe a guy will come along that I am attracted too that also is attracted to me. And perhaps we'll become friends and then become a couple. But I don't know when that will happen and I'm fine waiting on him to come.

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"i don't date black girls"

It greatly annoys me when a man just blatantly says this.

I've been getting a lot of friend requests thanks to my shiny new Cadette status. I have basically been adding everyone and making separate lists so I can still maintain a level of privacy on certain aspects of my page (pictures mostly but will be status updates soon). I still need to make a list of my absolute closest friends to share extremely personal pictures and such with.

Anyway, I randomly looked at someone's page that I friended. It was some black guy, apparently a gamer. He was listing off a bunch of stuff he's into - various hobbies and whatnot. Then at the bottom, like some after thought that needed to be said, he states "oh, and I don't date black girls"

The awkward placement of this statement and the way it seemed to have been said kind of pissed me off. Not that this guy is attempting to date me and could quite possibly have loads of black friends (and is not attractive enough for me to even think about saying him...just saying), but it annoys me when folks just say this like it *must* be known.

A majority of the time you ONLY see/hear black people say this. You don't hear others stating they don't date a certain race. Even if they don't date a particular race, I hardly ever see them needing to state this. It's like a great deal of black guys dare a black woman to even approach them - like if she does they will tear her down just because of her race.

I'm a strong believer in black love. I love black men. I'm also not so close minded that I would not date outside of my race - so Interracial dating isn't the problem here. The problem is people - black MEN - dismissing black women simply because they *are* black.

Statistics show 45% of black women never get married. Know why? In my opinion it is because they rarely get a chance. they are already type casted because of their race, already stamped and labeled based on age old stereotypes that only a few probably embrace.

I, for one, am not some stereotypical black women. I am college educated. Intelligent. Classy. With unique hobbies and interests. A gamer. A cosplayer. A lolita. And, yes, I may be strong willed and speak my mind but that is because I know if I want to make it in this world I need to be fierce. Not only am I a woman, I am a BLACK woman and damn proud to be one.

So, whether or not some closeminded dude automatically wouldn't want to date me because of the color of my skin, I know that I'm a catch that doesn't lump herself in with millions of other women who are all individuals and different beings from all walks of life with all sorts of personalities who may have one common thing (race) but differ in everything else.

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don't get fired about socks

I'm sure everyone faces a little verbal abuse from the tyrants that exist above them in the employment food chain. It's not uncommon for the higher-ups to abuse their power every now again to their underlings.

I was never one to sit there and take it. No matter how it sounds, I'm way too good to take any manner of verbal abuse. I feel too intelligent to get yelled at for minor things. And I definently do not want to be compared to another worker when I'm doing a good job as well.

Retail sucks. No matter what job you get in retail the managers always pick favorites who slide by and pick on others no matter what they do. The same thing happens in other job industries as well, but right now I'm currently working retail.

Do you think I get a good job when I successfully meet my goal during the day? Or consistently greet customers? Or stock ALL the shipment? Unpack the boxes quickly? Straighten the shelves when someone messes them up? Clean that nasty ass bathroom?

No.

I only get acknowledged when something goes awry in my diligent work effort. Perhaps I took a quick break on my cell phone - which we're all allowed to have out. Or I broke a bag. Or maybe I was trying to do a special order and messed up a bit because someone is breathing down my neck as I do it.

Or I don't sell a damn pair of socks.

And, today, its all about socks.

I was basically threatened - or so I felt - to be fired or to "find another job" because I wasn't able to force our customers to buy some expensive socks. No matter how many ways I tell a person the socks are great, and wonderful, and don't show when they wear them with certain shoes...its all up to them whether or not they purchase them. After I suggest them once, twice, or even three times and they say no there is nothing I can do about them. I can't go in their purse or wallet and get the money for the socks. I can't keep badgering then to buy them. I can merely suggest them - which is what I do.

This is partially reason why I hate shopping myself. The workers are always in my face when I'm just looking. Or they're never there when I do need them. I make myself available to the customers but I'm not all on their backs either. And perhaps that is the way to make sales but it is an awkward as hell way to do it. And makes me and probably the customer very uncomfortable.

It's also difficult to make a sale, whether it be socks or shoes, when you have a coworker who manages to jump in the way all the time. If I'm zeroing in on someone you would think my coworker would back and let me have the sale. But, no, they'd rather take it for theirselves. I am able to step back and let someone take a sale but everyone else is so damn vicious that it doesn't make much sense to me.

The whole incident just ruined my day. If I made more money or got more hours then I can see putting up with bullcrap, but its not worth it when you don't make quite a bit.

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sleep when you're dead

Earlier today a popular cosplayer tweeted for people to follow their dreams and that we should "sleep when you're dead".

She's right.

Life is far too short to not pursue everything that you want in life. I know that I have a lot of dreams and, at 23, I feel its the perfect time to start making those dreams happen. Sitting at home and only hoping this things happen for me is not good at all. I need to get out there and hunt these dreams down.

One dream I have is just to be successful by doing what I love. That is writing. Writing what I want to write. Whether it be fiction or reviews, I want to write. It seems a bit unorthodox to my parents but this is what I want to do - its what I'm good at.

I dream of having my own place with nice furniture, a big ass tv, and a cute little dog. That could be just an apartment in a nice complex or a house. I don't want nor need to be ballin out of control. I just want to be comfortable - able to afford the necessities and maybe some fun stuff on the side.

A bit of an extreme dream of mine is to own a comic and manga bookstore with an arcade attached. A store like that would not do too well in my area but I still wish it existed here. The picture I included is of Midtown Comics in Times Square (which I intend to visit this summer!) Everytime I visit a comic store I just want to OWN ONE.

More down-to-earth dreams would be to find someone to fall in love with that also completely loves me and to start a family with that person. By southern standards I should have already found this person. I don't mind that I'm single right now, but that doesn't mean I'm completely comfortable with the concept of being single for the rest of my life. Ever since I was little I have wanted to start my own family. That idea has not left me in the slightest. Im just not rushing into anything.

So, just some of my dreams. I am working quite hard to try and pursue them because I want them so badly...

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